I Remember Read online

  “So how was Emery?” Lauren asked, merging smoothly onto the freeway.

  “Fine, very helpful, introduced me to all the right people, set the stage, paved the way a little bit.” Dana answered evasively.

  “That wasn’t what I was asking and you know it.”

  “Lauren.”

  “Come on, Dana. I mean, my God, you two were together for three weeks. You had sex what…dozens of times, hundreds of times?

  “Lauren!” Dana replied loudly. “Hundreds of times?”

  “Dana, I’ve seen Emery, so I have no doubt…uh-huh…hundreds of times.” Lauren shook her head in confirmation.

  “You know, Lauren, we did things other than have sex.” But sometimes she had a hard time remembering exactly what.

  “Oh, yeah, I’m sure you did. Let’s see, got ready for sex, thought about sex, woofed down your food so you could go back to your cabin to have sex, took a shower and had sex, took a bath and had sex, went snorkeling and had sex.”

  “Lauren,” Dana said when she stopped to take a breath. As much as she wanted to protest, she knew Lauren pretty much had it spot-on.

  “Elliott and I went on one of those cruises.” Lauren continued as if Dana hadn’t said anything. “And I know what we did and we’d been together years. I can just imagine what it was like just meeting each other.”

  “Jesus, Lauren, you make it sound like it was nothing short of a sexapalooza.” Images of some of the many times, ways, and places she and Emery did have sex flashed in her head like a strobe.

  “Dana, you are talking to a woman who is very pregnant. I swear the instant I got pregnant I became so horny I practically jumped Elliott every time she came into the room. Not that she minded.” Lauren blushed.

  “You know, Lauren, you’re my BFF and we share just about everything, but that’s way too much information. Now I understand that you’re pregnant, your hormones are crazy, and your emotions are all over the place, but I don’t really need to know that about you and Elliott.”

  “Yeah, well, after this little bundle arrives I’ll never have sex again.”

  A wave of heat flashed over her, and as much as she wanted to open the window or fan herself, she would never live it down from Lauren. “Can we just change the subject and talk about something else?”

  “Then let’s go back to my original question.”

  “Any my original answer was she was fine.”

  “She didn’t—”

  “No, she didn’t.”

  “And you didn’t—”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “But—”

  “No, Lauren, no buts. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you.” And one of these times I’ll convince myself, she thought. “Emery and I have a strictly professional relationship now. Neither of us wants anything else and there can’t be anything else. We have too much to lose. I have a job to do and Emery hired me to do it. And it doesn’t include sleeping with the boss.”

  “Well, it wouldn’t exactly be sleeping with the boss.”

  “That is exactly what it would be. Emery is my boss. She’s not my girlfriend, she’s not my lover, she’s not anything other than my boss. And she’s going to be nothing other than my boss.”

  “You know I don’t understand.”

  “I know you don’t, and I can appreciate that, but please drop it,” she said firmly.

  She was having a difficult time convincing her body that was exactly what it needed to do. Absolutely nothing other than her job. Her body and her visceral memories, however, weren’t listening. If she wasn’t looking for Emery practically every minute since she’d gotten off the damn ship, she was thinking about her. And during this first week of employment, if she had a dollar for every time she thought of her boss and every time she remembered any of their time together on the cruise, she could retire today and not worry about money for the rest of her life. What in the hell was I thinking when I accepted this job?

  *

  As the weeks went by, Dana felt more comfortable with her role in Martin Engineering. She had traveled to several of the sites around the country, spoken to dozens of people, asked thousands of questions, and taken reams of notes. She was beginning to think she finally had a grasp on what was going on—the challenges, the market conditions—and ideas of what she needed to do were starting to become clear in the back of her head.

  She woke every morning excited about going to work, knowing she could make a difference in the success of this company. She loved working for Emery. She loved watching her work, the way she thought about things. The way she cut to the chase, weeded through all the crap and the bullshit and made decisions. She gathered input from her team, they discussed things, at times quite contentiously, but at the end everyone had reached consensus and agreement about the direction they were moving.

  She hadn’t seen much of Emery, her own visits around the world taking most of her time. But when Dana was alone in her hotel room in some strange city, just before she closed her eyes she thought of her. She remembered her. It was as if she could taste her again. Feel her touch again. Feel the heat rise in her again.

  Dana had taken pictures of the cruise, and once the whole Emery/Martin situation became clear she’d loaded them in a password-protected folder on a flash drive. During these times in these obscure hotels in these no-name towns she loaded them on her personal iPad and scrolled through the memories.

  Other than the one a street vendor had taken of them, there were few pictures of Emery. She somehow knew that Emery wasn’t comfortable preserving their time together. Now it was pretty obvious why. But the pictures she did have were of the places they went, the things they did. Pictures of parasailing, Emery beside her in the tandem seat. Underwater pictures in Bonaire and the Bahamas as they scuba-dived together. And then there was the view from the top of the cliff where they had hiked to have a picnic. The picnic that lasted only ten minutes before they were in each other’s arms yet again.

  She formatted these pictures to run as a slide show. She certainly hadn’t intended it be, but her cruise and the time she’d spent with Emery were a very big part of her life. She couldn’t very well file them away in a drawer. She supposed she could, but she didn’t want to and wasn’t going to. As she watched these pictures transition in front of her she ached for Emery’s touch, their soft whispers in the dark, the bold looks in the light of day. During this time she imagined Emery’s hands were on her, caressing her, squeezing her nipples. Emery’s long skillful fingers moving inside her, thrusting back and forth until she came in a powerful orgasm screaming Emery’s name in the empty room.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I’ll be right there.” Dana hung up the phone, grabbed her purse, closed her computer, and was across her office and at her door in ten quick steps.

  “Adam, clear my calendar for the rest of the day. Something’s come up and I’ve gotta go.”

  “Is everything all right, Dana?”

  “Yes, and I hope it stays that way. It’s personal, I have to leave.”

  “Will you be in tomorrow?”

  “I should, yes.” Dana punched the button on the elevator panel. “I’ll call you later,” she said to the doors closing in front of her.

  The drive across town to Women’s Hospital took forever. Lauren was in labor, and even though Elliott told her it would be hours before she delivered, her best friend was having a baby and she was going to be there.

  Elliott had been right, and seventeen hours later Dana was holding the little girl who looked exactly like her mother. Dana had always known she wanted children. It didn’t matter if they were natural or adopted, and she knew it sounded corny, but someday she wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet running around her house.

  But did she want to be a single mom? Of course not. She wanted to share the experience with someone, and not just anyone. The co-mother of her children would have to be completely committed and have the same values and ideas about childrearing that
she did. Yes, they would compromise but the overall foundation would have to be solid.

  Holding baby Grace, she had an overwhelming feeling of protectiveness for this child. If anything happened to Lauren and Elliott, Grace would be hers. They had talked about it and the paperwork was signed. Yes, Grace wasn’t hers, but every child deserved to have the safest life possible and the love of the people around them. Dana thought about the hours she spent on her job. Not just the hours in the office, but the hours in airplanes, after-hours dinners, and the countless ones she spent at home reading, catching up, or preparing for the next day. She loved her work and didn’t mind the time and commitment it took to be successful. But if she had a child, no, when she had a child that would change. Her children would become her top priority.

  What would Emery think? She was completely dedicated to her job and didn’t accept anything other than that attitude from her staff. The men had wives, and the women either had grown children or were childless. If she was still at Martin Engineering…would she still be there?

  The thought of leaving Martin left her cold. She didn’t see Emery every day, but just the thought of her being down the hall, the idea that they worked at the same company kept their connection alive. She knew it was stupid, but it was the truth nonetheless. She and Emery had been nothing but complete professionals this entire time, both agreeing that what had happened was in the past, and the present was something very, very different. There was absolutely no chance of them getting back together. Hell, they weren’t even together in the first place. It wasn’t a relationship that had gone south; it was a fling. The mere definition of the word—a brief indulgence of your impulses—was exactly what it was. They had both used fake names, didn’t share anything personal about each other except their bodies, and then it was over.

  But this was very different. My God, it was like she had a teenage crush on Emery and wanted to “just be near her” twenty-four-seven. It had to stop. She was a professional and needed to stop thinking about Emery—what she was doing, who she was with at night. She needed to get on with her life. She needed a distraction, something to take her mind off Emery. A date, that’s what she needed. She needed to get back out there into the dating world. She had a lot of friends, and how better to meet people than through other people? That was how she’d met the last few women she’d dated.

  Dating seemed like such a passé word but what else would you call it? “Hooking up” was a euphemism for sex, and even though Dana had no problem hooking up when the circumstances were right, that wasn’t exactly what she was looking for. However, maybe a good roll between the sheets would help her move past Emery.

  Rocking the baby, Dana thought about that a little more. Along with the excitement of a new lover came the stumbling, awkwardness, and inevitable after-sex small talk. That she was not interested in. But if she wanted one, she would have to suffer through the other.

  “Good God, Dana, suffer through? You make it sound so Victorian,” she said out loud. She hadn’t suffered through anything in a long time. Maybe that was also part of the problem. It had been months since the cruise. She missed being touched and definitely needed to release some pent-up energy. Seeing Emery so often didn’t help. It was like a catch twenty-two. She needed to get her thoughts away from Emery yet she couldn’t, or wouldn’t. She was in a perpetual low-grade state of arousal that needed to bubble up and boil over, and soon.

  Baby Grace started squirming in her arms and she chastised herself for letting her mind wander. She should be enjoying these first few minutes with this precious child, but as usual, she was thinking about her boss.

  *

  “Do you know when she’ll be back?” Emery asked. She hadn’t seen Dana since yesterday morning. She had stopped by Dana’s office this morning to talk about the upcoming board meeting, and Adam had told her Dana had left unexpectedly yesterday.

  “I don’t know. She got a phone call and ran out. She said it was personal.” Adam had a puzzled look on his face. “I heard something about dilated or dilation or something like that,” he added.

  A thousand possibilities skittered around in Emery’s head as to where Dana could have gone in such a hurry, but the main one was the very pregnant woman who had picked her up at the airport.

  “She said she’d be back this morning. Then she called about eight thirty and asked me to clear her day and said she’d be in tomorrow instead. If you need something, Emery, I can call her cell. She said she could be reached anytime.”

  Other than the fact that she was curious about what had happened, this certainly wasn’t an emergency. Dana had said it was personal, and unless it affected her job, it was none of Emery’s business where she’d gone. She would have to wait until Dana returned to talk with her. She told Adam as much and returned to her office.

  But she couldn’t concentrate on work so she reached into her briefcase and pulled out a handful of papers and envelopes. Her mail had piled up in the last few weeks so she sifted through the pile, separating important from junk mail. Bills in one stack, she logged into her bank and practically on autopilot proceeded to direct the payments to and from the correct accounts. Her hand trembled as she looked at the return address on one specific envelope. It was the bill for her American Express card, taken care of by auto bill pay.

  She hesitated before reaching for the letter opener. Her heart beat faster as the sharp blade sliced through the envelope like butter. Her hands shook as she held the paper that was folded in thirds.

  She knew what she would see. This was more than the statement of her charges for the past four months. It was an itemized list of her charges from the cruise. She braced herself, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t as if she had no idea of what the total would be or where the funds would come from. She never thought twice about how much she spent or on what. She was luckier than most to not have this worry, but she had worked hard to get to this point and wasn’t going to feel guilty about it now. She gave generously to local charities and made sure Martin Engineering supported the community as well.

  Between what she had inherited from her grandmother when she was twenty-two and her own savvy investment strategy, she had more money than most people realized. She found it refreshing and quite interesting when Dana refused to let her pay for things. When Dana had asked her if she’d like to go on a catamaran at their next port of call, Dana had flatly refused to accept Emery’s money or let her pay for the excursion, simply stating, “No, I invited you.” Simple as that.

  They had slipped into a routine and both silently agreed that whoever asked, paid. So even though her American Express bill contained page after page of activities, she knew the same could be said for Dana’s Visa statement.

  There it was in black and white, line by line, recounting the most memorable experience of her life. Jet-ski rental in Half Moon Cay, parasailing in Grand Turk, dinner cruise in the Antilles, boat rental in the Dominican Republic, scuba-diving lessons in Bonaire, and rental fees for a private cabana in Martinique. The list went on and only reflected a partial list of their activities. These were the things she’d paid for. Dana’s credit card certainly had similar details.

  She wondered if Dana’s heart beat a little faster when she looked at her bill. Did her thoughts turn into a highlight reel of the things they’d done together? Did she focus more on the time they’d spent together than the actual things they did? Did her hands tremble when she held her statement; did she close her eyes and inhale the remembered scent of each other?

  Emery opened her eyes and shook her head. She was a mess. She’d known it wouldn’t be easy having Dana so close, but she’d believed that in time the memories would fade and she and Dana would have a normal professional relationship.

  She took off her glasses and rubbed her face with both hands. What a colossal misjudgment. Her emotions were just as much out of control today as they had been the first day she saw Dana in her office. She had completely underestimated the lingering effect Dana had on her and
had absolutely no idea how to regain the steely control and focus she’d had over her life before she ever set eyes on Dana. Most unnerving was that she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

  *

  “Excuse me,” Emery said instinctively after she ran into someone as she turned the corner. Papers scattered to the floor, and she looked into Dana’s bright-green eyes.

  “We need to install a traffic light,” Dana replied, smiling.

  “Or I need to watch where I’m going.” Emery bent to pick up the papers that had fallen out of Dana’s hands. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was going, having been wondering for the past few days how she would ask Dana if her girlfriend had their baby. And now she was completely tongue-tied as she stared at Dana’s silk-stocking-clad legs directly in front of her. Somehow she managed to rise but couldn’t stop her eyes from traveling up Dana’s body as she did. She felt a little dizzy.

  “Are you okay?” Dana asked, frowning.

  Hell no. “Of course. Here you go.” She handed the papers to Dana.

  “Thanks.” Dana looked at her long and hard. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  Emery realized she was staring and quickly answered, “Sure. I should ask you the same thing. Adam said you ran out of here pretty quickly the other day. Everything all right?” She hoped Dana would view her question as an opening to tell her what in the hell was going on.

  Dana’s expression shifted from concern to joy. “Yes, it’s fabulous. I’m an aunt. Actually, an honorary aunt. My best friend and her partner had a baby on Tuesday. A little girl. Grace Foster Collier, five pounds, four ounces.” She was practically beaming with pride, as if the child were her own.

  A wave of relief flooded Emery when she realized she had jumped to the conclusion that the woman she saw Dana with at the airport was her girlfriend. She had been sickened at the thought that Dana would cheat and that she had played a part in it. Thank God that was over.